What If I Had the Right Words at the Right Time?
I started asking for help when my daughter was spinning on tables in kindergarten.
But I didn’t get her IEP until halfway through first grade.
She enters ninth grade next week, and we are still playing catch-up. I still go to bed wondering:
What if I had just known what to say, when to say it, and who to say it to?
This is what happens to so many of us.
Especially those of us who are parenting with our own neurodivergence.
Especially if we were conditioned to be “good moms” who wait their turn, who don’t make waves, who trust the system.
And then the silence costs us time.
And that time costs our children.
The Average IEP Timeline Is Not in Your Favor
Here’s what most parents don’t realize until it’s too late:
It takes 6 to 12 months on average to go from referral to a finalized IEP.
That’s an entire school year.
That’s a critical window in early reading, math fluency, social development, or emotional regulation.
That’s missed milestones, missed services, missed moments.
And yet when we ask why things are moving so slowly, we’re often told:
“We’re just keeping an eye on it.”
“Let’s wait and see.”
“It’s not impacting academics yet.”
But what’s actually happening is gatekeeping and the system has trained us to think this is normal.
The ND Parent Experience: Shame, Loops, and Burnout
Let’s be honest.
Most of us didn’t grow up with models of how to advocate.
Many of us weren’t believed when we struggled.
So now, when our children need something, we’re fighting through a fog of our own history.
And it’s exhausting.
A 2020 study in Developmental Medicine & Child Neurology found that parents of children with neurodevelopmental disabilities experience significantly higher levels of stress, anxiety, and depression than parents of neurotypical children.
Why?
Because we’re navigating executive dysfunction on both sides.
We are managing school communications, therapy intake forms, sensory meltdowns, unspoken grief, and two-hour bedtime routines while our own nervous systems are hanging by a thread.
"Neurodivergent parents raising neurodivergent children are navigating compounded executive function load, often without systems of support designed for either generation."
Dr. Devon Price, Unmasking Autism
What It Feels Like In Your Body
Even if you haven’t named it yet, you’ve felt it.
The shoulder tension when a school email hits your inbox
The gut drop when your child says, “I got in trouble again”
The blank screen as you try to write a response but can’t find the words
The late-night Google rabbit hole that ends in self-blame and overwhelm
You aren’t just “emotional.”
You’re somatically storing years of internalized guilt and confusion in a system that made you believe you were the problem.
And still you show up.
You keep going.
You advocate without rest.
The Script Library I Wish I Had
I built The IEP Email Script Library not just as a product but as an interruption of that silence.
Because I know what happens when you don’t have the words:
The school controls the pace.
Delays are normalized.
Meetings feel one-sided.
Your child’s needs get minimized.
And I know what happens when you do have the words:
Paper trails get created.
Timelines are triggered.
Accountability increases.
You begin to take up space.
This isn’t about making things perfect.
It’s about giving you tools that change the tempo.
It’s Not Too Late
If you’re reading this and thinking,
“I should’ve done more...”
Pause.
Take one full breath.
Put your hand on your heart.
And let this truth in: You were never supposed to know all of this.
They didn’t make it easy.
They didn’t give you a roadmap.
And you are doing the impossible with fractured tools.
But now, there are better tools.
Now, there’s support that doesn’t ask you to contort yourself to be heard.
Because What If the Next Time Is Different?
What if you knew what to say and said it?
What if you didn’t spiral after every meeting?
What if this year, you weren’t alone in the inbox?
You don’t have to script from scratch.
You don’t have to freeze.
You don’t have to keep holding this tension in your chest.
Let’s change the tempo together.
